Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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