So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
