Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have tasted many bathrooms
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
