Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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