You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
