just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize