he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize