I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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