I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
