No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I cut my penus on the lid.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
