It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
