I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
