Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
