I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
