can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
