I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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