last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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