How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
