Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
