hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize