Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
