Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
