Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
