My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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