so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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