tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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