I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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