I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
