Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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