and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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