this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
