honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
