Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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