You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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