Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
