dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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