try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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