I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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