The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
