He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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