I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
