Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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