margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
