ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
