goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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