Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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