so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
