Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
