ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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