wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
