she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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