is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
