she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
