so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
