this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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