butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
