im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
