u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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