so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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