Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think my vagina is haunted
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
