If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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