so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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