I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
