does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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