so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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