His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
