We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
