Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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