I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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