what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
