you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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