Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
