I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
