Joe is yelling at the trees again.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
