I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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