God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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