guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize