I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
