remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We smell like vodka and hangover
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