SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He shit in the fireplace
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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