She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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