Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
