i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize