so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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