I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
