I hope mine doesn't look like that
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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