the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We're too hungover to prance.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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