There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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