I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
