and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
