Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
