is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just cropdusted the office
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
