WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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