Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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